I decree that we have no right to opinions or tastes if they are patently wrong, parochial, limiting or fearful (fear eats the soul.)
I decree that sex after death is not only an inalienable right, but a metaphysical certainty.
I decree that from this day forward, no lives are too small.
I decree that we will do more with what we have and less with the things we don’t.
I decree that garden-watching shall heretofore be declared the American national pastime in place of baseball and that Walt Whitman’s words about baseball being “America’s game” be expunged from the record.
I decree that we should observe: “National Honor The Unknowable In Ourselves Day”.
I decree that beginning today, all speech will be outlawed – free or otherwise – and a period of free listening will begin, lasting until we learn to stop talking when we have nothing to say.
I decree that childhood officially begins at age 50. (Everything prior to this age is to hereby to be considered “neo-natal”.)
I decree that priests, nuns, ministers, rabbis, Imams, monks, shamans and holy men from all over the world shall heretofore strip naked and wear only a smile whenever preaching about God.
I decree that art does not have to be good: it merely needs to be truthful, and that is enough.
I decree that politics are like a new suit of clothes and should be changed often and that no one should refuse offering a meal to another on the basis of his “wardrobe”.
(After all, it’s only politics.)
I decree that loneliness is part of the human genome.
I decree that Blowin’ In The Wind shall be our new national anthem.
I decree that a bloodied hijab of an Iraqui woman be the new flag of our country and that it be flown at half-mast on every flagpole of every state of this nation until hostilities cease.
I decree that coffee shall be declared as the drink of choice for kids on dates, at strip malls, at weddings and bar mitzvahs and that the martini glass replace the dowdy coffee mug as the cup of choice for coffee.
I decree that no one be allowed his preferences if it means another life having to be lived as a “cough”.
I decree that self loathing is a greater killer than cancer, gunshot wounds, heart disease, automobile related accidents and suicides combined and it should be treated as the medical plague that it is.
I decree that DNA is the new human alphabet of which we are still illiterate.
I decree that effective today, the “smile” to be the national language of America.
I decree that belief in anything is all that needs to be held in order to travel anywhere in the world.
I decree love.
I decree you.