POEM: Had I Only Known

I would have jumped into that river to save you
From drowning
I would have pulled you out from the freezing water
And breathed fresh air back into your lungs
And pressed the reddest blood back into your heart
I would have carried your wet body
Cold as night back to up the house to rest
Cleaned you up - laid you out dressed in a stately way

I would have cried missing the smell of you
The comfort of you in my peripheral vision
I would have drunk too much coffee so I would not sleep
So I could tell you all the things I was too afraid to say before
I would have listened all night for that laugh again
I would have written you new poetry
Made even god cry hard enough to give you back
I would have kissed the coffin as it wheeled by me at church
As I tossed in my handful of dirt
As I peered into that hole as deep as sleep
I would have remembered how to pray

I would have jumped down into that hole to save you
Had I only known that I was drowning too